Newark therapist on how to come to terms with redundancy and move on
Rosalyn Palmer is an award-winning advanced RTT therapist, clinical hypnotherapist and life/business coach and a certified member of major professional bodies. Also, she is author of three best-selling self-help books.
She is part of the Girls Around Town Sunday morning show on Radio Newark.
For more information, go to rosalynpalmer.com
Have you heard that we are in the time of ‘The Great Resignation’?
This is because a record number of people are leaving their jobs.
Why is this so?
Well, according to several eminent studies, it is due to the disruption caused by the lockdown and changes to work patterns over the last two years.
It is also due to rapid developments in technology that have led jobs to be lost or changed drastically. Yesterday’s warehouse manager is today’s robot supervisor. Yesterday’s fun office is now full of staggered work patterns as some work from home and some in the office.
Today’s commute and the long hours at work now seems less acceptable as the work-life balance you may have had and time with your family and pets is rapidly disappearing again.
I personally know of two friends who have resigned, put their houses up for sale and are planning to travel the world.
Whatever your plans, it is always good if you are making the decision.
When it is difficult is if you are made redundant or are facing your job being changed beyond recognition and you are angry or upset at the change.
In my career, I’ve been made redundant three times. The first time I was in my mid-20s, had made many sacrifices including moving away from my home and then given no warning and let go.
I was very angry. It seemed so unfair.
As a therapist, I now know that anger is a secondary emotion.
This means that we tend to use anger as a dynamic shield to protect us from the primary emotions fuelling it below the surface.
These trigger emotions will be at the root of your anger if made redundant.
Perhaps it is the shock of it blindsiding you. If this is the case then your primitive protection mechanism will tip you into fight, flight, or freeze to protect you from perceived danger.
For good measure, the brain likes what is familiar so the unfamiliarity or the ‘not knowing’ of what your future now holds will make this sense of danger and discomfort even more pronounced and thus stoke those angry feelings more.
Perhaps it can trigger old unexplored feelings of being treated unfairly in your childhood at home or at school, from our parents, teachers, or peers.
Whatever the reason, the way forward is to grieve the loss of your job/status/rewards/perceived future just like you would a bereavement.
Even though a potential future employee will be sympathetic to the covid catastrophe that may have happened to you, they will not want you on their team if you are still full of resentment or hurt regarding what has sadly happened to you.
Here is an effective and simple exercise that helped me and I know works for many clients.
Sit with your anger and say to yourself: “I am angry because I am feeling (insert underlying/trigger emotion here…. e.g., hurt). I am feeling hurt because I feel (dig a bit deeper and find the feeling e.g., let down) and I feel let down because……”.
Keep writing it down or saying it out loud until, like a loss, it starts to feel less intense.
Then take back your control and look for a better job or future on your terms.